Cleaning for Valentine’s Day Takes an Unconventional Turn
This week, I dedicated time to help some of my clients prepare for Valentine’s Day, each celebrating it in their own distinctive way. From young singles to divorced individuals, widows, and happily married couples, their approaches vary widely. During my engagements, I stumbled upon an amusing map illustrating how different regions embrace this romantic holiday, revealing that perhaps we all have a bit of a “train-wreck” streak in us, especially around this cherub assassin day. Oh, Alaska, your quirks never cease to amuse.
Preparing the Bachelor’s House for a Valentine’s Day Bash
The bachelor in question is hosting a Valentine’s Day party, and I’ve been deep cleaning his place to get it ready. Interestingly, he believes his guests—mostly girls he’s interested in romantically—will find the setup delightful. He recently binge-watched The Bachelor, mistaking it for a dating guide, and is amazed at the attention those contestants receive. To make the space festive, I draped furniture with luxurious red velvet and set up a champagne fountain. He only bought one rose, so I assume this will be a single-episode affair.
When I asked if his guests knew the true theme of the party, he confidently replied, “No way, but they’re going to love it!” I have a suspicion that I might walk in next week to find him tied to a chair amidst the red velvet, with a single rose poking out mischievously—perhaps a nod to the show’s antics.
The Grey’s Nightstand and the Artistic Valentine’s Celebration
The Grey’s were quite the adventure. They had a collection of edible items on their nightstand—like Jelly Bellies—and I left a trail of candles, likely enough to surprise even the most seasoned firefighters. However, the most peculiar preparation involved my young artist client, who is currently ten months into a vow of celibacy. She invited six close girlfriends to celebrate her “Valentine-Free Day,” and asked for my help in decorating her home.
Initially, it was adorable—scattering rose petals across the living room, floating votive candles, and setting up a make-your-own chocolate-covered strawberry bar. We even prepared party favor bags, including a quirky soap sculpture resembling a naked, chubby goddess—mistakenly thought to be a fertility deity, but who’s counting?
The Unexpected and Eccentric Turn of Events
Things took a bizarre turn when she declared, “Now for the coup de grâce!” She retreated to her bedroom, returning with a box of 8×10 cards featuring images of human hearts—some real, some illustrated—from a printable art store called Pretty Lil’ Studio Art. I can only guess she sourced them from Amazon. She then gathered all the knives in the kitchen and began stabbing each card, shouting, “This is for Brad… this is for Pete…” and so forth, as if enacting a revenge ritual.
I sat there, stunned, wondering when her list of “targets” would end. After she stabbed the last heart—Jeff’s—it seemed she was out of breath, satisfied with her work. She asked my opinion, and I, with my face frozen in a mixture of surprise and concern, managed to squeak, “They’re going to love it.”
Without missing a beat, she announced, “There’s more!” and dashed off. I contemplated making a run for the door, but her harmless façade made me hesitant. However, my inner voice whispered, “Ten months of celibacy,” serving as a stark reminder of her unpredictable nature.
The Blood-Red Artistic Chaos
She returned wielding a gallon of blood-red paint, which she began splattering over the stabbed hearts on the walls, ceiling, furniture, and floor—transforming her home into a macabre masterpiece. Watching her, I couldn’t help but think about the daunting cleanup ahead. When she finished, she plopped down on the floor, grinning with satisfaction. She looked at me, seeking approval, and I simply nodded, overwhelmed by the eccentricity of her art project.
Closing the Day and Personal Reflection
She then announced her departure, saying, “See you next week,” leaving me amidst her chaotic, blood-spattered decor. As I looked at the mess, I wondered whether her eccentricity was harmless or if I should be concerned—though her innocent smile suggested otherwise.
About The Cleaning Lady
I am a professional house cleaner with two decades of experience, well-versed in tackling everything from hoarders to individuals with mental health challenges. I’ve learned that everyone has their own version of “clean,” and many people dread the process. My goal is to share practical, easy-to-implement cleaning and organization tips that save you time and effort. I’m also a fan of innovative gadgets that make cleaning more efficient. Remember, my motto is “Clean smarter, not harder!”
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