Are You a Busy Mom Struggling with Time Management?
As a busy mom, do you often find yourself overwhelmed with thoughts about what needs to be done? Do you grow weary of creating daily to-do lists, only to feel like you’re stuck in a never-ending cycle of tasks? Whether you’re a working mom juggling a job outside the home or a stay-at-home mom managing a household, finding an effective time management strategy is essential to establishing a daily routine that suits your lifestyle.
Mom life is filled with countless responsibilities, and balancing your personal life, your children’s social activities, and your own mental health can feel like a daunting task. Is there a way to organize your daily life that brings you peace and satisfaction? Here are several strategies that blend smaller tasks with larger goals to create a manageable daily checklist. Spoiler alert: you might not even need a checklist at all!
Recently, I took an enlightening course by Elayna Fernandez, known as The Positive Mom, called Stepping Into Balance. During this course, I was challenged to rethink my approach to goal setting, what a balanced life truly means, and how to manage feelings of anger and frustration effectively. The course encompassed much more, but one idea that stood out to me was her strong suggestion to eliminate to-do lists!
As someone who finds joy in crafting to-do lists and feels a sense of accomplishment when checking off completed tasks, I was taken aback. How could I possibly abandon my trusty lists that provide such a sense of order and control? The comfort of having a checklist eases my worries about forgetting important tasks, allowing me to see clearly what still needs to be done.
Why To-Do Lists Might Be Holding You Back
As a busy mom wearing many hats, I had fallen into the trap of believing that balance meant doing it all—checking off every item on my list and keeping track of every appointment. However, Elayna pointed out a crucial issue with to-do lists: they can turn us into “list-slaves,” tethering our self-worth to what we accomplish in a day. She stated, “Trying to DO everything for everyone leaves moms feeling frustrated, overwhelmed, and depleted.” This relentless pursuit of checking off items creates feelings of guilt and disappointment, as true productivity and fulfillment are often elusive in the face of overwhelming tasks.
Many of us, myself included, turn to to-do lists, coffee, or even a glass of wine to maintain our sanity. However, Elayna highlighted that these tools can actually hinder our productivity and overall well-being. It’s disheartening to learn that around 41% of all to-do lists remain unfinished.
Assessing the Effectiveness of Your To-Do List
Elayna acknowledged that while to-do lists can be effective, they work best if they bring a sense of peace and assurance, reminiscent of the promise in Isaiah 32:17: “And the work of righteousness shall be peace; and the effect of righteousness quietness and assurance forever.” If you don’t feel this way, your list may not be enhancing your productivity.
I still resisted the idea of abandoning my lists—how could I maintain order in my chaotic life without them? But Elayna offered a modified approach to managing tasks.
The Modified To-Do List
- 1. Write Everything Down: Begin with a 5-minute brain dump. Jot down all the tasks you need to complete in the coming days or weeks on a single piece of paper.
- 2. Prioritize Your Items: Categorize them as Delete, Delegate, or Do. Delete any tasks that aren’t pressing, delegate those that can be handled by others, and focus on the tasks that truly matter.
- 3. Schedule Your Tasks: Using your favorite calendar, assign specific days and times to complete each of your prioritized tasks. Limit your daily list to just three items, arranged in order of importance. Write this list the night before, and resist the urge to multitask.
By discarding unnecessary tasks, delegating appropriately, and scheduling effectively, you can release the anxiety often tied to incomplete tasks. Focusing on fewer priorities allows you to be truly present for the people who matter most in your life.
Steps to Ditch Your To-Do List
This approach aligns closely with the insights shared in The Life Coach School Podcast episode #261, titled Throw Away Your To-Do List. Brooke, the host, offers a detailed process to streamline your tasks:
- Start by Discarding Your Old To-Do List: Keep only the most essential items.
- Brain Dump: Write down everything you need and want to do across all areas of your life. Don’t hold back—capture every thought.
- Reassess: Ask yourself, “What else?” to ensure you haven’t missed anything important.
- Take a Break: Step away for a moment to recharge.
- Identify Obstacles: Write down any barriers preventing you from achieving your goals, breaking down larger tasks into manageable steps.
- Allow Yourself to Rest: Give your brain a break, acknowledging that you’ve captured everything you need.
- Eliminate Non-Essential Tasks: Decide which tasks you truly don’t have to do, and cross them off your list.
- Prioritize: Order your tasks based on urgency and significance.
- Transfer to Your Calendar: Assign each item a specific date and time for completion.
- Get Rid of Your To-Do List: Once scheduled, throw away your list.
- Honor Your Commitments: Stick to your scheduled tasks and resist the temptation to procrastinate.
- Repeat Weekly: Make this a weekly ritual to maintain organization.
To truly thrive at home and in your work, you must learn to prioritize, focus on one task at a time, and effectively schedule your responsibilities. But remember, there’s something even more crucial than your to-do items: your To-Be List.
Embracing the To-Be List
Elayna encouraged me to shift my focus from what I do each day to who I am. She emphasized that we are human BEings, not merely human DOings. Each day, she sets an intention and reflects on questions such as:
- Who do I want to help?
- What do I want to help them achieve?
- Who do I need to BE in order to do that?
Life is most fulfilling when it revolves around our connections with others. As Maya Angelou wisely stated, “People will forget what you did, but they will never forget how you made them feel.” It’s critical that we cultivate an environment where our loved ones feel valued and appreciated.
When our children reflect on their upbringing, do we want them to remember a mom preoccupied with chores and tasks, or a mom who devoted her time to listening and playing with them? I realized I had been too focused on my to-do lists, often losing sight of what truly matters—my family and their feelings.
Reflecting on My To-Be List
After reevaluating, I revisited my To-Be list from over a year ago, which includes:
- To be patient.
- To be kind.
- To be optimistic and hopeful.
- To be honest and true.
- To be thankful and appreciative to God.
- To be joyous and happy.
- To be present and engaged.
- To be a friend.
- To be an example of faith.
- To be like Jesus, embodying love, compassion, humility, kindness, and understanding.
I aspire for my family and those around me to feel loved and supported. Love is not just about what we do for others, but who we choose to be in their lives. I want my children to remember me as a mom who celebrates their accomplishments, listens to their stories, and supports them in their struggles.
For my husband, I strive to be a reliable partner and a friend, actively listening and engaging with him. When I focus on being the best version of myself, I find joy even in the mundane tasks of life. I experienced a busy week filled with numerous responsibilities, yet I felt fulfilled simply because I concentrated on my To-Be list rather than a long list of to-dos.
During this time, I felt supported by God, and His love guided me as I prioritized meaningful connections with my children and husband. I was able to see the bigger picture amidst the chaos of daily life.
To remind myself of this journey, I received a T-shirt from Cents of Style’s Be Series Graphic Tees, which I proudly wear as a reminder that to-do lists are often overrated. It serves as a gentle nudge that I need to focus on being rather than doing.
Will you join me in experimenting with a shift from to-do lists to a To-Be list? Elayna assures us that doing so will enrich our life experiences and inspire those around us, including our children. When creating your To-Be list, identify the qualities and characteristics you wish to embody, whether in personal relationships, work, or other areas of life. As stated in Habakkuk 2:2, “Write the vision, and make it plain.” Focus on who you want to be today, and every day to follow.
- Do you want to be joyful, balanced, engaged, and nurturing?
- Do you wish to embody empowerment, serenity, and love?
- Do you crave a sense of passion, adventure, and playfulness?
It’s time to reconsider the role of to-do lists in our lives. I am grateful to Elayna for challenging my perspective. If you find yourself overwhelmed by tasks or lost in a sea of sticky notes, remember that you can prioritize effectively and still carve out time for what truly matters. Start each day with a renewed focus on self-care, and watch as these tips transform your daily life!